What To Write In A Sister's Wedding Card

hate fear hate fear - can`t decide !

I hate it. My grandpa is again driven to the doctor. I come home and my grandma sits back and tells me "that there is non to him good" (the second ma in the last 7 days). I mean he is old and sick and the course of nature will win either way, but I hate it when they spread it like that "Seih CONCERNED" Propaganda.

It's not be so, that I am concerned non. I'm just always the last one has knowledge of something and then only if the shit is steaming on. And then they expect something like consolation. Well, I mean really just my grandma. My grandpa is The Clint Eastwood among men. He even runs around with NEM mild heart attack or broken leg with NEM.

I understand my grandmother, but the bad, make me mad at the end of the matter is the way I noticed something. If my grandpa has something, then she tells me about it only when he is not stop there. Apparently he does not want me on the issues that have both noticed something. The respect I have, even if it's stupid, but if I do either way but then my grandma know when he is not that, then I could run against the wall.

In my small world of discontent, I am busy with a thousand problems and one of them is my life. Since find I did a bit odd that I'm from the school, wants nothing more than to put my rest and time to sleep, to think three or four hours just nothing, and someone this "to him it is not good" atomic bomb on my soul down throws.

I realize I'm just more empty and the life in this apartment with those two just feels wrong. I'm something like the Gregor Samsa, my family. The more I realize that my family is doing badly, more so grows my tank, I hide behind me and I will always be more of a parasite that does not belong here.

did I most fear, one day to be without them. They, especially my grandpa, are something like the stabilizers in my life. I'm afraid to get out of control, because my life was so far out they are made to not disappoint too much. Who am I to live and strive, if she is not longer there? How many crashes I will have to accept if my training wheels are gone? I dunno what I currently have more feeling ... hate on the course of events or concerns about the course of the future.